Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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