spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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