whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He felt like a one man threesome
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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