if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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