i just sent this text using only my big toe
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You don't make any sense
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