how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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