Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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