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• (516): View more from New York

  I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  I round house kicked her emotions in the face

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.

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• (903): View more from Texas

  I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name

  (425): View more from Washington

  I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER

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• (209): View more from California

  Why is my belly button ring in my ear

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