Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
