So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
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