Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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