I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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