she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
