She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
