So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
