mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
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My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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