I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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