I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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