How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
