They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
