i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
