It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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