remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize