"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
