Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
