So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
