If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
