Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
