Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Even my vagina gasped.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
