It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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