So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
