I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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