don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dignity is for republicans.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
