My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
