I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
