turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
