This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
