When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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