Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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