So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
