I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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