the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
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We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize