U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
