I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
