yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
