And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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