I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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