I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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