i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
