apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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