what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
