Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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