I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
