I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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