I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
