i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
