Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
