I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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