u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
